Do you ever feel like sometimes you're forcing your life to be more than it is? Like you're pushing it to have meaning, creating lies and situations in your head, play them over and over again until you believe they're true. Do you ever think music helps guide you to create these overly romanticized versions of real life you create in your head?

Not enough time,

golden clocks

tick

      tock.

Too many clicks

of the goddamn

clock. 

Time is always

                          moving,

we are still

    here,

afraid to feel...

and touch,

too many people

we 

    don't

 know.

We say it is too late,

too many seconds

have already 

p  a  s  s  e  d

Love.

Don't you think it is such a waste of time to hold any feelings in? You could love somebody, and never tell them. Is it worth it, just because you're scared to face rejection? Love is strange, and when somebody says "I'm scared of hurting you," it's because they know they will. They know there is something inside of them that is going to hurt you. Love means, "I'll never hurt you", not "I'm scared I'll hurt you." Love isn't yelling or screaming. Love isn't realizing after I'm gone. I'm not afraid to say that I did love you, but I know it's a lie when you say you did love me, because you don't know what love is. I'm completely over this situation.  

I just want you to leave me alone. forever. 

Inside

I really like my friends, and I understand that is a sort of general statement, because why would you be friends with somebody you don't like? What I mean is, I'm so grateful for them and recognize that every day of my life. I don't have many friends, and I think it is such a strange thing to feel devoted to many people. I love few, but very strongly. I always tell my friends "I love you" when we depart and I'm not sure if they take it seriously, but I mean it. 

But I honestly feel like I love everyone more than they realize, and a lot of the time I feel like that love isn't returned. I know it's because not everyone has the same values as me, and that's fine. Just sometimes I don't feel appreciated, I feel really alone. I feel like I scare everyone away. I miss being in love. I miss feeling so comfortable with a person. 

It's difficult to deal with when you realize you're actually alone, but you can't ever be alone actually.